Oversharing: What It Is, Why You Do It—and How to Stop!
Oversharing is a common tendency that can negatively affect our personal and professional lives. But why do we overshare in the first place? And how can we stop?
By digging into oversharing why’s and boundary how’s with Luna Joy, you’ll be well on your way to cultivating more fulfilling and supportive relationships without oversharing.
Before you begin, remember that our professionals are always here to help
Why do we overshare?
Have you ever caught yourself oversharing with a coworker, a friend, or even a stranger online? You may find words, stories or confessions spilling out without your permission, watching from within as you share far more than you intended to. Don’t worry, we get it; it happens to the best of us.
Oversharing tendencies can pop up in various situations—at work, online, or in your friendships. But what's behind it?
The Need for Connection
At the heart of oversharing is the very human desire for community and intimacy with those who matter to us. So we may share our thoughts and feelings, even personal ones, in the hope of finding someone who can relate.
Limited Self-Awareness
As we grow and evolve as people, it’s easy to find ourselves out of touch with our own boundaries about what and how much we should share with others. You may be seeking validation, support or advice but as you grasp for understanding, it can be hard to recognize how much is too much.
Social Media and Peer Pressure
In the digital age, it's easy to think that sharing everything online is normal. Being chronically online means we’re constantly bombarded with images of other people’s lives, like we’re living in Times Square 24/7. Differentiating between what’s expected, acceptable, or even desired, from yourself and others becomes key to keeping yourself safe in a state of constant information overload.
Watch out for the consequences of oversharing
Understanding why we overshare or are affected by a culture of oversharing, is important. But what we do with that information can be even more so, especially if we take the time to recognize the impact it can have.
Some of the things that might happen if you’re a chronic oversharer:
Relationships become strained or tense
Losing professional credibility at work
You’re regularly feeling emotionally drained
Important boundaries become non-existent or often crossed
But even with these scary and stressful consequences, oversharing is nothing to be ashamed of. It's a human thing.
Am I Oversharing? A quick self-reflection
By understanding why we overshare and developing healthier ways to connect with others, we can all create more fulfilling and supportive relationships online and off.
Here are a few tips for digging deeper into understanding why you might be oversharing and taking steps to stop:
Get to know yourself. You can begin by recognizing your own tendencies to overshare, and checking in with yourself on where you’re at and where you’d like to be to feel more aligned with your emotional limits so you can share in a more balanced way.
Pause, reflect and prioritize. Are you feeling lonely or disconnected? Are you seeking validation from others? Once you understand your motivation to share, you can start to develop healthier ways to connect with others and meet your own needs. This can help you learn to prioritize what information is genuinely necessary to share in different settings.
Be mindful of your audience and setting. Not everyone wants to hear about your most private details. Consider who you're talking to and what they might be comfortable with. What's acceptable among friends might not be suitable for work, and vice versa.
Set boundaries* assertively. You have control over your own privacy, and you don't have to share anything that you don't want to. Practice assertively advocating for yourself through setting boundaries that work for you. Let others know your comfort zones, and be open to discussing theirs.
Limit Online Sharing: Be mindful of what you share online. Remember that the digital world can be permanent, and it's crucial to protect your privacy.
*How to set and communicate boundaries to manage oversharing
We mentioned boundaries above, but there’s so much more to developing them than how you express them. So let’s talk a little about how stopping yourself from oversharing is the perfect arena for finetuning your boundary game in life.
Oversharing can be a sign of a healthy desire for connection and validation. And that healthy need should be cultivated, because sharing with others is not a flaw—it’s a human need. Instead of shutting others out and shutting yourself down, you can lean into setting new boundaries and learning how to communicate them with others, while also sharing within them. Setting and communicating boundaries can be challenging, but it's an important skill for building and maintaining healthy relationships.
Your boundaries should be:
Clear and assertive. Once you know your boundaries, it's important to communicate them clearly and respectfully to others. Let them know what you're comfortable with and what you're not.
For example, you could say something like, "I'm not comfortable discussing my personal life at work, but I'm happy to chat about our favorite TV shows."
2. Flexible. It's important to be flexible with your boundaries and willing to adjust them as needed. For example, you might be more comfortable sharing with close friends and family than with coworkers or strangers and that’s totally okay.
Understanding and allowing for these differences will help you to engage in conversations that feel open and approachable while still sharing within comfortable limits for the setting or vibe.
3. Patient. With yourself and those around you. It may take some time for others to adjust to your new boundaries because when someone stops oversharing, it can often feel like they’ve stopped sharing at all.
Make time and space for understanding these changing emotional exchanges. Be patient and understanding of these shifting limits, and continue to communicate your needs clearly.
Striking a balance between openness and privacy is an ongoing journey. It requires self-reflection, empathy, and an understanding of how your actions affect others. By setting and communicating boundaries effectively, you can foster healthier and more fulfilling connections with those around you. This not only benefits your relationships but also enhances your personal well-being.
If you ever find yourself anxious or feeling the urge to apologize after oversharing, remember that it's never too late to set boundaries and adjust your sharing habits. Learning from past experiences can be a stepping stone toward creating healthier and more meaningful connections with others, and we at Luna Joy are always here to make your steps feel smoother, safer and more supported.
